And because I’m also bored with the usual lists of “Official Magickal Correspondences” for everything under the Sun, Moon and Stars, here are some amusing new ones for my fluffy new Goddess…
Deity: Cosmic Fluffy Pink Vanilla High Priestess Foo-Foo Bunny (a.k.a. Puffy Foo-Foo Bun-Buns)
Magickal Colors: White, cream, off-white, ivory, eggshell, vanilla, moonlight-pearl, pink, cerise, rose, fuchsia, mauve, blush, coral, strawberry, shell, raspberry sherbet.
Ritual Gems: Cubic Zirconia (clear), White Topaz, Rhodochrosite, faceted Pink Acrylic Resin round hair-bobbles (especially the kind with glitter in them).
Sacred Minerals: Salt-block/Rock-Salt, Argon, Tungsten, Uranium.
Ritual Food Offerings: Carrot Cake, Alfalfa Sprouts, White/Milk Chocolate Bunnies, Rose-Scented Turkish Delight, Marshmallows, Raw Snow-peas, Fresh Spinach, Mixed Greens Salad with Raspberry Vinaigrette, Raw Green-beans, Peach Cobbler with Whipped Cream, Deviled Eggs, Macaroons, Cream Puffs, Vanilla Yogurt, Tofu, Candied Violets, Flaked Coconut, Bok Choy, Celery, Jicama, Cream Cheese, Waldorf Salad, Maple Syrup.
Ritual Beverages: Vanilla Milkshake, Water, Jasmine Green Tea, Egg Nog.
Magickal Days of the Week: Monday-Wednesday-Friday (during even-numbered weeks), Sunday-Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday (during odd-numbered weeks).
Lucky Numbers: 7; negative 15; the square root of 53, cubed; Pi; Phi; the Magnetic Resonance Determination of Planck’s Constant; 666.652732; 1,950; 8,342,965.
Ruling Planets: Omicron Ceti V, Nibiru (Northern Hemisphere only), Luna (Earth’s Moon).
Ritual Oils: Vanilla (naturally…), Carnation, Coconut, White Ginger.
Sacred Trees: Hawthorn, Peach, Orchid Tree, Sugar Maple, Willow.
Sacred Herbs: Rabbit’s-foot Fern, Hare’s-Foot Clover, Yarrow, Comfrey, Dandelion, Parsley, Spearmint, Arugula, Curly Endive, Red Cabbage, Rutabagas.
Sacred Flowers: Hare-Bells, Clover Blossom, Wild Pink/Carnation, Tuberose, White Freesia, Damask Rose, Violet, Honeysuckle, Plumeria, Stargazer Lily, Tulips, Heather, Sweet Peas, Lady Slipper Orchid.
Totem Objects: Dust-Bunnies, Carrots and/or Parsnips, Rabbit-Ear Headgear, Nebulae (especially if pink in color), Open Star Clusters, Plush Toy Rabbits, Powder-Puffs, Cotton Balls, Fluffy Pastel-Colored Exfoliating Bath-Sponges.
Sacred Locations: Crop circles, vegetable gardens, the produce department of the neighborhood supermarket.
Ritual Tool: Bunny Slippers.
Sacred Substance: Angora.
Major Feast Days: February 29th (the Leap-Day of Leap Year), May 14th (my birthday), September 10th (my best friend’s birthday), and of course Eostre/the Spring Equinox, the main European Hare/Rabbit/Goddess festival.
Minor Feast Days: May 6th (Rudolph Valentino’s birthday), October 18th (George C. Scott’s birthday), June 20th (Errol Flynn’s birthday), March 16th (Caroline Herschel’s birthday), November 23rd (Harpo Marx’s birthday), March 6th (Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s birthday), August 17th (Mae West’s birthday), March 22nd (William Shatner’s birthday), April 21st (Charlotte Bronte’s birthday).
Types of Magick Presided Over by Deity:
–Sex-Magick involving implements or articles of clothing made out of white fur.
–Invoke for successful career as pastry chef, amateur astronomer, florist, belly-dancer, milliner, lace-maker, soft-pretzel baker or rhinestone importer.
–Gives protection from static electricity clothes-cling, incompetent beauticians, unwanted Oscar nominations and Federal Income Tax audits.
–Aids with alchemical operations involving the brewing of herbal and/or fruit liqueurs, love philtres and the compounding of Flying Ointments.
–Bestows dimples in offspring if offered white candles anointed with Jasmine Oil, Maple Syrup and Powdered Sugar during the first trimester of pregnancy.
–Grants the ability to cheat successfully at card games or chess matches if invoked with a food-offering of licorice-whips and sloe-gin during the Waning Moon.
Special Ritual Activities:
–Wearing at least one article of clothing made out of angora on your person at all times.
–Hoarding rabbit figurines or bunny-shaped salt-and-pepper shakers.
–Wearing a pair of Bunny Slippers and/or Rabbit-Ears while eating a bag of marshmallows (your choice of flavor).
–Any hopping activity, such as jumping on a pogo-stick or trampoline, jumping up and down for 30 seconds or more, or hopping repeatedly on one foot.
–Dancing naked under the Full Moon.
–Buying and giving plush toy rabbits to total strangers.
–Catching and free-releasing all home dust-bunnies out-of-doors instead of cruelly vacuuming them to bits.
Blessed 17-Syllable Extremely Holy Foo-Foo Mantra:
Hip-it-ti, Hop-it-ti, Bip-it-ti, Bop-it-ti, O-Fu-Tu-Yu-Tu!
…And there you have it! Less vengeful and way cuter than Yahweh, and able to magickally multiply Herself a billion billion times over to personally answer every Exfoliating Bath-Sponge need there is…